It may be hard for people to comprehend that this was a worse time for me than any other during the build up to my diagnosis but this is me!
It was time for my neurological surgeon appointment!
3rd August 2010, a date I thought I would have forgotten but unfortunately for me (not for this blog) the appointment is in my old phone diary I have previously spoken about! Thank goodness for technology right!
I was incredibly nervous about this appointment, luckily my partner was with me as she always is at all the important ones!
It was an early appointment, so not much time to worry about the unknown! I remember sitting in the waiting area, dry mouth, heart pounding!
We all get anxious waiting to see a consultant!
This is what I was telling myself!
All I could think about though was the word surgeon! I was terrified of it & the thought about the possibility of having to have an operation!
When I broke my leg at the age of 18 I remember crying all the way to surgery! It is such a frightening experience that so many people face everyday!
I was lost in my nightmare I had created about this appointment when my name as called!
I walked into the consultants room with my partner, heart pounding, legs like jelly
The consultant introduced himself & asked me to take a seat. I won’t say his name because 1: I can’t remember it & 2: I disliked him as soon as i shook his hand!
He took a look at my medical notes & asked me why i had come to see him. Surely he should have that information! I explained to him that I had been referred by my physiotherapist for an MRI which showed a ‘disk bulge’ at the top of my spine that was close to touching my spinal cord. My Dr had then referred me to see him, the neurosurgeon in front of me that had all this information in front of him!
I explained to him that I had also recently had an MRI because of problems with my vision which showed that I may have MS. He asked why I was still seeing him then? Huh!
I told him that I had to have more tests done & I was told by my physiotherapist to keep this appointment as he, the neurosurgeon would know more!
He then mumbled into a dictaphone that he was holding in his hand, exactly what he said is not known! He said something to a nurse that was in the room and then told me to sit on the bed.
He drew the curtain around & told me to take all my clothes off except underwear and lie on the bed!
I had no sheet or towel to cover me, no gown to put on. Just open to this man! The nurse had stepped outside which also unnerved me!
When the nurse came back into the room she still stayed the other side of the curtains!
I had a number of tests, I can’t remember all of them exactly, but I think they were all mainly neurological ones! I remember he tested my reflexes. This is one test that I really don’t like!
When he finished he told me to get dressed and sit back on the chair.
He continued to mumble into his dictaphone then looked at me and told me I had wasted his time! He said that the disk bulge was of no concern and that it is because of the MS that I have the pain!
There was nothing left to be discussed, he didn’t want to discuss anything else more like! The nurse escorted me & my partner out of the room and we made our way back to the car!
Of course we spoke about the situation, we came to the conclusion that I wasn’t wasting his time because I was told by the physiotherapist to keep the appointment! She must have thought it was worth following through!
After we had finished talking about the horrible man and his horrible habits i told my partner that I was glad the disk bulge was of ‘no concern’ as it meant i didn’t need to have it operated on after all!
I was elated by this!
We started to laugh together, I said to my partner ‘its ok, i don’t need an operation because I probably have MS!’
How come I found this so funny? Was it genuine laughter or nervous laughter?
I hadn’t long to wait now until the next BIG appointment!